I'm Drowning!

Signs you may have too many clothes/laundry:

• Outside of underwear, you can go more than six to eight weeks without doing laundry.
• It takes three loads just for your husband's t-shirts while there are three loads still clean in his drawers.
• You've been wearing maternity clothes exclusively for months and somehow you're still having regular clothes show up in the wash.
• When everything is finally clean, it doesn't all fit in your drawers and closet. You end up with three to four piles on the floor of the closet and you can't open your drawers.
• You send twenty items to DI two to three times a year and it doesn't seem to make a difference.

With all these clothes, I still seem to have nothing to wear.

The Vintage Pearl

I came across this today on another blog I frequent. I am so in love, I think I am having palpitations. I think this will be my first purchase.

I have always called Hunter my sunshine. I sang the song to him all night when he was brand new and wouldn't sleep. Even today it calms him down. I dare you not to check it out and need an inhaler when you're done, too.

Stupid Happy

For months Hunter begged me for sunglasses. I was reluctant considering when I had tried when he was younger, he couldn't rip them off fast enough. Soon the pestering was enough and I gave in. This was not an easy task considering the size of Hunter's head. Everything we tried pinched his head so hard I though it might pop. Finally, we found the dragon glasses. We never saw the movie 'How to Train Your Dragon,' but he knew immediately these were dragon glasses. The best part? I paid a whole whopping dollar for them. And the result? Stupid happy. He looks like this every moment he wears them.

Yep, stupid happy. If you see him while wearing his dragon glasses, know that he is invisible and watch out for roars and fire breathing.

Q and A

Me: What did you learn in Sunbeams?

Hunter: The guy, couldn't read it.

M: Who couldn't read it?

H: ....Mr..... Joseph.

M: Mr. Joseph who?

H: Mr. Joseph Smith.

M: Mr. Joseph Smith couldn't read what?

H: The plates.

M: Where does Jesus live?

H: In my heart.

M: Who told you that?

H: Jesus

M: When did Jesus tell you that?

H: In new house.

M: Where else does Jesus live?

H: The temple.

M: Jesus lives in the temple?

H: No, ON the temple.

M: On the temple?

H: Like this. (Shows me his hands stacked on each other)

M: Does Jesus live in Heaven, too?

H: Yeah.

M: Who does he live with?

H: With Joseph.

M: Yes, and who else?

H: With Heavenly Father.

M: Do you know He loves you?

H: Yeah, He makes me smile!

M: Do you make Him smile?

H: Yeah, I make Him smile, I'm His sunbeam!

I often get frustrated when Hunter can't count to twenty in the correct order. After this conversation, I am not so worried about it. He seems to have things worked out.

For those of you who know the way Hunter talks, I am sure you automatically insert the high pitched excited voice along with many ums. I know I hear it.

Suck It In

Stepping on the scale is never fun. I psyche myself up each time. I play mind games, telling myself the it will be a much higher number than is at all reasonable. This makes me feel that I am making progress, even though the number doesn't really change.

This is no different than choosing to wear my size six jeans rather than my size eight even though when comparing them, my size sixes are a good inch bigger around. Ridiculous I know, but every woman out there knows what I am talking about.

Back to my point, even more ridiculous is that I have noticed lately that I suck my gut in when I step on the scale. I usually realize this when I step off and the gut reemerges. My subconscious is also very concerned about my weight. More importantly, I am sure it makes a good five pound difference.

Willing Satisfaction

My infertility story is no match for the majority of the world, including my own family. But what I am sure is the common link for all those who have been in my position is the frustration of being unable to wish away the pain.

I mean, what else could I ask for? I have a beautiful son that is more than I could have ever dreamed of. His life and spirit fulfill me in a way that no other joy can. That is more than most infertility couples ever experience. Yet I yearn. It feels as if my heart might implode. The love I feel for him, and that he returns, pulls at me. There is nothing greater. I see through him the love my Father in heaven has for me. Hunter allows me to draw unto my Father in way I do not completely understand.

And so the pain. I often visualize it as a light switch. A pain switch. I keep flicking it up and down, yet it never turns off. It pours through my life like light does through a room. I get no rest from it.

So why can I not be satisfied? Is Hunter not enough? Is he not the greatest blessing I will ever receive? The most important responsibility? I keep willing my satisfaction, hoping it will flip the switch.

I am sure my feelings are all 'normal' and perfectly 'rational'. All I know is I want to scream and cry and act like the baby I so desire.