I Come First

Why is it that in order to be labeled a good mom, you must be absolutely miserable without your children? I mean, I consider myself to be a perfectly good, loving mom and I feel part of what puts me into that category is that I know when I need time for myself. I can function just fine on my own, I am not handicapped without him.

Scott and I had never been on a trip by ourselves. Never. Even our honeymoon was a joint project. Hunter is now almost three and I had never been away from him for more than about six hours. And even then he was with Scott. I mean, does anyone dispute that I may need a little break?

So awhile ago, we decided to make it happen, and we ran away for a weekend. Best decision we have ever made. Well in hind sight, maybe the worst considering we could have really used the money when Scott lost his job, but that's another blog. We had so much fun, although a little strange not having to think about a schedule or hauling an extra thirty pounds in and out of the car.

Now, I am a blubberer. (yes that's a word) I cry all the time, it's a talent. So I was slightly concerned about walking away from the bubba, and overnight... don don don. Just the other night when I was headed out the door for work, I was a complete mess. And that was only for four hours! But in the end, I did very well, and I am still quite proud of myself. I didn't cry, I didn't look back. I thought about him a lot. Mostly in the context of not knowing what to do with myself. Like I forgot my phone or purse.

I came home feeling rejuvenated and fulfilled. But more importantly, why am I not doing this more often? So why is it that when people ask me how my trip was, they are completely dumbfounded? 'What? You didn't cry? You weren't longing to come home? I just couldn't do that, I am just too attached to my kids. I'd feel like I was cheating them.' So I am left feeling judged and confused. Is the definition of a good mom to put your children first and completely ignore your own needs?

I feel a good mom has the good sense to recognize when her stores are a little low and need some refilling. I can do way more for my son when I am running at 100% rather than 32% because I feel I am being selfish due to my own needs. I feel I am strongly bonded with my son, a connection I cherish. But I am not defined by motherhood. It is something I am and do and wouldn't give up for the world. I am defined by me, Nic, the light inside of me. I am important.

There have been countless studies done proving that when marriages are not attended to or when parents are stretched too thin that the children suffer. But when we take time for ourselves and put our children, dare I say, second we all flourish. I will never understand being miserable and suffering in order to prove how loving we are or how hard we work.