Why, you ask?
Insecurity. Yep.
Lame, right?
But it is my reality.
I know I'm not the sharpest tack. I don't have the best grammar. My spelling is worse. (Google and my walking spell check, aka Scott, make this discernible for you.) Besides being afraid that I'm boring you all.
I blurk a lot and I compare my blog to everyone else's. They all write so eloquent. They seem so inspired and creative. So "perfect". Some of those I frequent have thousands of followers, hundreds of comments on every post, and they even advertise. I didn't even know such things were possible until recently. This makes for a ridiculous comparison, I know.
One of my favorite blogs is Mommy Snark. She loves to write and now even has her first book, of many I'm sure, being published. It's very exciting. She blogs of being nervous having others read her words. Now I'm not a writer, nor will I EVER be an author, but I understand her angst. I'm terrified to have others judging me through my writing. I guess that's why it's easier to bring you Hunter's words than my own. As cute as they are, that's only part of my goal here.
I guess the real key is that my thoughts and words represent me. Cracked, broken. Haha, big surprise, this front is not what it appears to be. I am not doing myself or my handful of followers any good by pretending it is.
So here is the truth.
I am not always in control of my emotions. Ok, rarely. I struggle to find balance. My house is lucky to be clean 20% of the time. My kids often have bedhead. My mouth often runs off without me.
I am compassionate. I am simple. I love my family and friends. I am eternally loyal. I am, well, me.
Hmm, maybe just like a lot of those I feel I fall short of. :)
In the end I try to focus on why I blog. Most important it's a journal of sorts to pass along to my kids. If they learn nothing else from my experiences, I hope they see that Mommy pushed through her fears to try new things. She let her flaws show and stepped outside her comfort zone. And when I need a little extra encouragement, I remember a very sweet comment from Aunt Renae about my writing.
I forge on.
*After writing this post, I noticed that I have a new follower!! Who? None other than Mommy Snark herself. Well looky there.
